There was a story this week that highlighted how Republicans and Democrats play politics by a different set of rules.
While the Letch in Chief and his court of eunuchs unashamedly promoted a suspected sexual predator for the Supreme Court, a rising Democratic star apologized for a theater review he wrote as a college kid.
Robert Francis “Beto” O’Rourke, hailed by some as the second-coming of Robert Francis “Bobby” Kennedy, is a long tall Texan who has brimmed with youthful vigor and no-bullshit eloquence in his Senate race against the odious Ted Cruz.
O’Rourke’s August speech standing up for NFL players who take a knee during the national anthem showed more guts than anything I’d heard from a politician in a long time. And watching Willie Nelson introduce a new song – Vote ’Em Out– at a Beto rally last weekend hit a soft spot.
But then, a couple of days later, O’Rourke faced the modern-day Dems’ dilemma when confronted with a piece of his past that might offend the zero-tolerance wing of his party.
Back in 1991, when he was a freshman at Columbia, Beto wrote a sophomoric review of a Broadway musical called The Will Rogers Follies for the student newspaper. It included this line:
Keith Carradine in the lead role is surrounded by perma-smile actresses whose only qualifications seem to be their phenomenally large breasts and tight buttocks.
An O’Rourke detractor, presumably an agent of the Cruz campaign, forwarded the review to Politico right in the middle of the shitstorm over Brett Kavanaugh’s Supreme Court nomination.
Politico sought comment from the candidate. A savvy campaign manager might have rolled the dice, told Politico to stuff it, that the story obviously had no news value.
But Beto took the bait. “I am ashamed of what I wrote and I apologize,” he told Politico. “There is no excuse for making disrespectful and demeaning comments about women.”
The quote made it a story. It fed a morsel to the beast of cable news and made for headlines in all the wrong places.
In the dingbat logic of 2018 politics, some drew a parallel between O’Rourke’s theater review and the allegation a shitfaced Kavanaugh committed sexual assault. After all, both happened a long time ago when they were teenagers.
The response from each man followed his party’s playbook: Kavanaugh denied everything and O’Rourke cried mea cupla.
Jeez, Beto, you were a 19-year-old Ivy League smarty-pants. It’s not as if you got stinking drunk, crashed a showgirl’s dressing room, and tried to rape her.
Besides, your appraisal of the actresses was endorsed at the time by New York’s most eligible adulterer whose girlfriend, Marla Maples, exhibited her qualifications when she landed a part in Follies en route to becoming the second Mrs. Trump.
Today, with the Republicans led by a confessed pussy-grabber who screwed a porn star without a condom, Democrats need to figure out how do the right thing without running scared.
It’s not the ’60s when JFK got away with comforting Marilyn between the sheets because the press didn’t look beyond the Do Not Disturb sign on the bedroom door.
It’s not the ’70s when the pious Jimmy Carter saw his campaign in a tailspin after he confessed: “Christ said, ‘I tell you that anyone who looks on a woman with lust has in his heart already committed adultery.’ I’ve looked on a lot of women with lust. I’ve committed adultery in my heart many times.”
It’s not the ’80s when one photo of Gary Hart with Donna Rice blew up his run for the Democratic presidential nomination.
By the ’90s, Bill Clinton could have saved himself, his party and his country a lot of grief if he said, Yeah, I got a blowjob. Next question.
Voters didn’t seem to care. His poll numbers kept climbing anyway.
But Bubba has turned into a political pariah in the era of MeToo.
Maybe that’s what Beto O’Rourke was thinking about when faced with phenomenally large breasts and tight buttocks earlier this week. That the political climate can get stormy in a flash for Democrats – just ask Hillary about the fealty of the left – while Republicans unflinchingly weather Stormy.
I’m just glad I’m not a politician and don’t give a damn what anybody thinks when they read a line in my memoir referring to “Jane Fonda’s pointy tits in Barbarella.”