POTUS: ‘I can do whatever I want’

WASHINGTON (ENS) – President Trump recently discussed expropriating the hurricane-ravaged town of Mexico Beach, Florida, rebuilding it under a government contract awarded to his company, and renaming it Barron Beach after his youngest son.

“Look, I can do whatever I want – who’s going to stop me?” he said during a clandestinely recorded White House meeting with cabinet officers earlier this month.

“The Democrats are all talk and no action. Bunch of losers – no guts. I always win because they always choke like dogs.”

The president also proposed renaming every place in the U.S. that contains the word Mexico, as well as cities such as San Diego and San Antonio because they sound Spanish.

The meeting, soon after Hurricane Michael struck Florida on Oct. 10, was attended by Vice President Mike Pence, cabinet secretaries Kirstjen Nielsen (Homeland Security), Ryan Zinke (Interior), Betsy DeVos (Education), Rick Perry (Energy) and others.

Here is a transcript of the meeting, according to a recording provided by an administration source:

POTUS: Have you seen the TV?

PENCE: Which TV, Mr. President, you have several?

POTUS: The hurricane in Florida. What the hell you think I’m talking about? You got those beautiful beaches – not Palm Beach beautiful, but beautiful for the rednecks down there – and now they look like fucking Haiti.

NIELSEN: We’re doing everything we can, Mr. President …”

POTUS: How long to clean it up?

NIELSEN: It’s still a search and rescue operation.

POTUS: But we’re going to clean it up, right?

NIELSEN: It’s going to take a while, sir. The devastation is widespread.

POTUS: We should make it better. Build a nice big resort. You just clean it up and I’ll take it from there.

NIELSEN: Sir?

POTUS: You heard me. Clean up the mess. Get me the land and I’ll give it to my boys.

PENCE: What boys?

POTUS: Donnie and the other one.

PENCE: I don’t understand, Mr. President.

POTUS: Jesus! Don’t you people know anything about business? You bulldoze the crap away, clear the land, give my boys the money under some federal grant or some shit like that, and they’ll build a resort better than the trailer park or whatever shit was there before.

NIELSEN: But what about the people who live there?

POTUS: Pay ’em off.

PENCE: I don’t think we can do that, Mr. President.

POTUS: Look, I can do whatever I want – who’s going to stop me?

PENCE: We’ll have to get Congress to allocate the funds.

POTUS: What’s the problem?

PENCE: The other side …

POTUS (cuts him off, angry): The Democrats are all talk and no action. Bunch of losers – no guts. I always win because they always choke like dogs.

CROSSTALK INAUDIBLE

POTUS: And while we’re at it, I’m not thrilled that there are places in this country named Mexico. The kid told his mother that there are more than ten places across the country – besides that beach in Florida that looks like a shithole – named Mexico.

PENCE: What kid, Mr. President?

POTUS: My kid, the little one. After the hurricane, he did a school project on all the places in the United States named Mexico and asked Melania if I was going to do anything about that. Pretty smart, huh? So, Melania told me about it and she said the names of places are under the Department of the Interior. So, I ask you, what are we going to do about it?

ZINKE: Actually, sir, I think that’s a local jurisdiction.

POTUS: Well, I’ll just sign one of those executive orders banning places named Mexico. And we can start with that place in Florida, and since the kid thought of it, I think we should name it after him – after Donnie and the other one turn it into a nice resort.

PENCE:  Barron?

POTUS: Who?

PENCE: Your son. You want to rename Mexico Beach for Barron?

POTUS: Sure, it was his idea. (Long pause.) I wanted to name the kid Prince, but then Melania reminded me of that black singer named Prince – he worked for me, weird guy, I think he’s dead – so we talked about Duke, but that sounded too much like a dog, and Earl sounded like trailer park trash, so she came up with Barron.

DEVOS: True royalty, sir. And Barron Beach will be a testament to your administration that will live forever.

POTUS: The Trump International Hotel and Resort at Barron Beach. (Long pause.) Now what are we going to do about all these other places?

ZINKE: What other places, Mr. President.

POTUS: Like New Mexico. Change the name to East Texas.

PERRY: It’s west, sir.

POTUS: I know it’s out west.

PERRY: Yes, sir. But New Mexico is west of Texas.

POTUS: Whatever. And while we’re at it, let’s change San Diego and San Antonio and all those other sans. What the hell does san mean?”

PERRY: It means saint.

POTUS: What are we going to do about that? We shouldn’t have any places named Mexico because Mexicans think it’s okay to live here. It’s the same thing with those sanscities.

PERRY (chuckles): You want to rename San Antonio Saint Anthony?

POTUS: Why not?

PERRY: Heck, for one thing, all them Jews in Texas will be up in arms.

POTUS: Any of those Texas Jews on our side?

PERRY: Not many, sir, but our ladies sure like shoppin’ at Neiman Marcus.

CROSSTALK INAUDIBLE

POTUS: Betsy, this whole Mexico business got me thinking – and then I saw something on the shows about kids in our schools being allowed to speak Spanish in class and how that’s hurting the white kids who just have to sit there and don’t know what the hell they’re talking about.

DEVOS: I’ll take a look at that, Mr. President.

POTUS: Good. That’s enough for now. I’ve got some pressing business with Ivanka.

Keep an eye out for the next dispatch from the Expat News Service (ENS).

My book, The Expat Files: My Life in Journalism, is available in paperback and Kindle editions from Amazon.com and Amazon Canada.

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