Next POTUS presser: Send in the Raging Bull

One of the great mysteries of our time is how the cowardly creep now in the White House has yet to be publicly reduced to a quivering, blubbering blob of orange Jell-O.

How has someone with the intelligence, vocabulary and personality of a sewer rat spouted so much shit for so long without anyone throwing it back in his face on camera?

I realize he never puts himself in a tough spot, goes only to safe spaces, surrounds himself with fellow fools and toadies.

But whose fault is it that during news conferences and one-on-one interviews no one ever lays a glove on him?

The most revealing moment of the 90-minute Q & A – mainly A – with the media last week came when CNN’s Jim Acosta attempted to address the effluent in the room.

While POTUS was insulting the reporter – “You are a rude, terrible person” – and an aide was trying to wrest the microphone from Acosta, at least five of his colleagues were raising their hands. Call on me, Mr. President … Please, Mr. President … Pretty please, with sugar on top.

Acosta - hands up

This was a time for White House press corps to be a corps. Fat chance. Not with this crowd.

I’ve been waiting for nearly two years for one of them to say: Mr. President, I have a followup question: What the fuck are you talking about?

Still waiting.

Meanwhile, the media continue to bring a briefcase to a gunfight. After the administration pulled Acosta’s White House pass, CNN fired off a lawsuit and the reporter got his piece of plastic back.

Big deal.

The only hope is to change the cast. Rewrite the script. Put De Niro in Acosta’s role at the next presidential press conference. No way Agent Orange – using his same words – dismisses and gets away with dissing the Raging Bull.

POTUS: I’m not concerned about anything on the Russia investigation because it’s a hoax. Put down the mic …

De Niro: Fuck you.

POTUS: CNN should be ashamed of itself having you working for them.

De Niro: The United States of America is ashamed of itself for having a douchebag in the White House.

POTUS: You are a rude, terrible person …

De Niro: You are an ignorant, racist motherfucker.

POTUS: You’re a very rude person.

De Niro: Get down here and I’ll kick your fat ass back to Queens.

POTUS: The way you treat Sarah Huckabee is horrible and the way you treat other people are (sic) horrible.

De Niro: As if you give a shit.

POTUS: You shouldn’t treat people that way.

De Niro: We’re coming for you, scumbag. Tell your pal Putin and your brain-dead followers – like the one who sent me a bomb – that your days are numbered.

POTUS: That’s enough.

De Niro: You talkin’ to me?

POTUS: That’s enough.

De Niro: Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to?

That last line, courtesy of Travis Bickle, would also be an appropriate followup question from the next reporter – besides Acosta, so far mainly black women – he attacks or insults.

My book, The Expat Files: My Life in Journalism, is available in paperback and Kindle editions from Amazon.com and Amazon Canada.

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